Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!  I’m hoping it’s going well for you.  I’m going to go into depth on what’s going on in my life, but just in case you don’t want the details, here is what my new year has been so far.

My girlfriend and I broke up/I’ve been put on academic suspension

So right now I’m in California.  It’s funny, at fast and testimony meeting this month I said how I was thankful that I finally had something in my life I cared about losing, but that I was in a place where I could handle losing it.  A day later I did, and now I have to.  It’s hard to get into why things didn’t work between us, because the fact is, neither of us know.  She felt clear as day that things weren’t right between us, and we just have to have faith that the Lord knows better than we do.  Honestly, I don’t know if this is harder than being left for another guy, or because she didn’t love me anymore or whatever.  It sucks, that’s all I know. 

But, honestly, I’m OK.  And really, without the Gospel I wouldn’t be.  A week later, I could possibly see myself dating someone in the future,so I guess eventually I’ll start dating again, not really too worried about it now, but I do believe I will move on eventually, so I’m sure everything in the end will work out.  It’s just hard because I WANT to try to change her mind, if it was her being unsure I’d do anything to rectify that.  Jeepers, I was planning on when to surprise her in Boston to propose…but when it comes from the Lord…it’s a no win situation.  IF somehow I was able to convince her to take me back she would be sacrificing everything she is to do that, and I couldn’t do that to her if I wanted.

And…I got suspended from BYUI.  Last semester I took 15 credits of online ugliness, and just painted myself in a corner.  When I got into trouble I reached out too late, and I knew I should have dropped a class but was too stubborn to do it.  I tried to catch up later but you just can’t do that at BYUI.  It’s my own fault… and it sucks.  I feel like I let a ton of people down.  I try so hard to distance myself from everyone, but I realize I did a terrible job of that.  There are a lot of people in Idaho that mean the world to me, and I hate that I’m not there for them.

So here I am; single and living at home at 27.  I had two things in my life I cared about and I lost them both.  In a weird way, it’s really liberating. I mean, I have absolutely nothing to lose right now, so the pressure is off.  Still, it’s hard to have everything you ever wanted in life and to lose it.  Now I’m back to the singles ward, hoping to fly under the radar.  We’ll see. 

Five days in, and 2011 is the worst year of my life.  Things can only get better though.